Two Weeks
Two weeks ago today my beloved soared to worlds unknown, while I sit lonely looking at her photograph as those beautiful brown eyes stare out at me, still searching my face and my soul to see what lies there. How I miss her. How I grieve that she is gone, never in this life to be close to me again.
I stare at the brown loose leaf book of names, left behind by the mourners who attended me at the visitation and at the funeral. Most of the names I recognize. Some are strangers to me, and others that I expected to be there are missing. I want to give the book to her, because she would know what to do with it. She would know how to respond to those names—to those who sent flowers, or cards, or came to hear a remembrance of her life and the preaching of the Word of encouragement. But without her I am lost. I hardly know how to proceed.
She would have answered them perfectly. That beautiful cursive style that marked her handwriting would have penned just the right words of thanks. But I am left to do it in my illegible scrawl, or perhaps to print each word like a 3rd-grader so the reader can actually comprehend my stammering thoughts.
I knew in my mind that death was real. That someday there would be a parting. That the sweet voice that caused my heart to beat at twice its normal rate would be silenced. That the penetrating gaze of her that knew me like no other would cease to be as her eyes closed in death. But my mind is not my heart. There was no knowledge that prepared me for the ache my heart feels at her leaving. How I loved her! How I do still. And even more, how she loved me! How can I go on without that love propelling me forward on the seas of life?
Lord, only You can fill the void she left in my soul when you took her to Yourself. Please do.